Connor and Evan
by Vale Fire 99
Summary: What if Connor and Evan had actually been friends \boyfrinds how would the story change.
1. the news

Summary: What if Connor and Evan had been friend/boyfriend before he died, what if Evan actually tried to help Connor but only to find out he failed.

mage: if the characters seem out of character don't kill me I haven't scene the play only listened to the songs and some animated so don't kill me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Dear Evan Hansen if I did Connor and Evan would be happy and I wouldn't tear up listening to the soundtrack.

* * *

Chapter 1

The news.

"Will Evan Hansen please report to the principal's office," asked the loud speaker.

'What, what did I do; oh man what did I do,' these were the thoughts runing through my head as I made my way to the principal's office.

When I reached the door to the office the first thing I saw was the principal and...

"Mr and Mrs Murphy," I said. The look of surprise on both of their faces forced me to remember that Connor probably hadn't told them about me.

'Connor,' I thought seeing their faces

"Come in, Evan," said the Principal, his tone of voice making me freeze.'Why am I here; where's Connor; what happened.'

"Is Connor okay?" I asked; that was when the dam burst. I watched as Mrs. Murphy began to cry, clutching a letter in her hand, and I watched as Mr. Murphy tried to console her.

"Evan, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but Connor has passed away," said Mr. Murphy

The only thing I felt after those words was the tears beginning to fall down my face and my body as it went numb.

(****)

Mr. and Mrs. Murphy were shocked as they watched the tears begin to form in his eyes after they told him the news that their son had died. The boy fell into the chair by the door and just sat there for a moment and they both tried to figure out what to tell him. They didn't know this boy; they didn't know who he was, but from the letter they found, it was clear he was close to their son, who their son had really been.

"Mr. Hansen..Evan we found this," said Mrs. Murphy, handing Evan the letter.

/Dear Evan Hansen,

Turns out this wasn't an amazing day after all. This isn't going to be an amazing week or an amazing year, because why would it be?

I know, because there's Zoe, and all my hope is pinned on Zoe, who I don't even know, and doesn't know me. Maybe if I could just talk to her. Maybe nothing would be different at all. I wish everything was different.

I wish I was part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. I mean face it, would anyone notice if I just disappeared tomorrow?

Sincerely,

Your most best, and dearest friend, Me/

"I would," whispered Evan, the parents in the room hearing him loud and clear.

"How, how did it happen?" asked Evan after a few minutes had passed.

"He, he hung himself, Evan; we found him a few days ago but when we found this letter we felt that we needed to tell you in person," said Mr. Murphy, wanting to be blunt with the boy.

This had brought on even more tears as a new pain settled in his broken heart.

"Evan, we know this is hard but.." said Mrs. Murphy, taking a deep breath before continuing. "But we wanted to know how close you where; you see Connor never mentioned having any friends."

Evan tried to tell them, wanting them to know how close the two of them had been, but the words kept getting caught in his throat and he couldn't force them out no matter how hard he tried.

"Evan, I know this is sudden but would it be alright if you could come to our house after school and tell us about your friendship with Connor?" asked Mrs. Murphy, wanting to know this side of her son.

The only thing Evan could do was nod before running out of the room.

Evan POV

I ran, making it to my locker while looking for Alana, figuring she wouldn't laugh or judge me like Jared would

"Whoa, Evan, what's wrong what happened?" asked Alana, looking at my face and probably seeing the tear stains.

"He.. he's.. gone, Connor's gone," I said, holding back the tears. It was then that I felt her arms wrapping around my shoulders as she tried to console me.

Alana asked me what happened and I told her everything up to what I heard today.

"They asked me to come to their house and talk about Connor," I finally finished, glancing up at Alana's face.

"What are you going to do?" Alana asked worried

"I'm going to tell them the truth," I told her before getting ready to leave and walk to my class.

Time Skip.

I knock on the door to Connor's house; the pain settled in my heart again just by thinking of his name.

"Oh, Evan, come in," said Mrs. Murphy, showing me into the house. I made my way in, Mrs. Murphy following from behind; we made our way into the dining room and saw Connor's father and his sister Zoe.

"Take a seat, Evan," said Mr. Murphy, seeming like he would rather be somewhere else.

"So what would you like to know?" I asked, trying to think of which story I should tell them.

"Well what was one of the last things you and Connor did?" asked Mrs. Murphy while looking at me.

"It was the end of May or early June," I started, "It was this picture-perfect afternoon we shared. Connor and I were driving on the winding country road; we had grabbed a scoop at À La Mode like we would normally do," I said, remembering the day so clearly.

"And then we were there, an open field that's framed with trees," I said, feeling the tears build up. "We picked a spot and shoot the breeze like we always do while quoting songs from our favorite bands."

"There were also jokes passed between us that no one else understands except us two, and we talked and took in the view," I continued, seeing Mrs. Murphy smile.

Flash Back

I sat in the car watching as the world passed by and I felt a hand slip into mine. I turned my head towards Connor and give him a smile. This was a perfect day, just the two of us driving to our spot.

We pulled up to the abandoned Apple Orchard, the one place where we could be together with none of the problems that we had at home. As we got out of the car, I felt the gentle breeze and the smell of apples.

"So, want to bike the Appalachian Trail?" asked Connor.

I looked at him strangely and saw that wonderful grin of his, the one filled with mischief.

"How about we write a book?" I suggested.

"Or learn how to sail, wouldn't that be great?" he said, then we were both laughing at the random options for things to do after we got out of school

We found a spot to sit down, and I leaned my head on his shoulder and I felt his head on mine. We just sat there in silence watching the sun go down.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," Connor told me before kissing me.

As we pull away I whisper back to him "Me too," then we just talked about random things for a few moments and we watched the sky as it went on forever; we just let the world pass by around us.

Next thing I know Connor got up and started making his way towards one of the farther away trees calling for me to follow. I wondered as we climbed what the world looked like from so high up.

One foot after the other, one branch then to another, we climbed higher and higher; we climbed until the entire sun was shining on our faces. But suddenly I felt the branch give way and the next thing I knew was I'm on the ground and my arm was numb.

I looked around, wondering where I was for a second and I saw him coming down the tree to get me, and in that moment I knew everything was going to be okay. As he walked me to the car, I began to laugh and the only thing I could say was "Buddy, you and I are for forever this way."

Flashback over

I looked back up and I saw the shocked look of Mr. Murphy; Zoe had turned away and her shoulders were shaking slightly, and then there was the smiling face of Mrs. Murphy.

"So yeah after that he took me to the hospital and stayed with me; then he took me home and we sat and talked before he left. For the rest of the summer I would see him up until the month right before school. The last time I saw him was on the first day of school but he didn't talk to me," I said, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"I never realized that Connor and you were.. well," Mrs. Murphy tried to find the words to say.

"Connor didn't try and hide it, he just never saw the point in telling you," I told them before feeling Mrs. Murphy wrap her arms around me and pull me into a hug.

I was shocked at first but I soon joined her and began to cry harder knowing the pain.

Time skip

I was sitting on the couch, thinking about the day's events and wondering what to do now. I could share some of Connor's emails so they could see how close we were.

But I was drawn from my thoughts by my mom reminding me about college applications. Truthfully college was the last thing on my mind right now.

"Did you hear about that Connor Murphy boy?" Mom asked, walking over to the couch.

I don't know of she noticed me flinching at the sound of his name, but she probably didn't care.

"Yeah, I heard," I told her.

"Did you know him?" she asked.

'Where has this sudden interest in my life come from, mom,' I thought as I made my way to the stairs. From there, I began to print out my emails with Connor; I re-read how he said he was doing better and he thanked me for that.

'Was it all a lie, Connor; did I ever really help you?' I asked myself as I looked over the emails again and again, and it still didn't make sense.

"Why, Connor; I used see for forever when you were beside me but how can I see for forever without you?" I asked aloud, hoping you would jump out from behind me and this would all be a dream.


	2. the letters

Summary: What if Connor and Evan had been friend/boyfriend before he died, what if Evan actually tried to help Connor but only to find out he failed.

mage: if the characters seem out of character don't kill me I haven't scene the play only listened to the songs and some animated so don't kill me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Dear Evan Hansen if I did Connor and Evan would be happy and I wouldn't tear up listening to the soundtrack.

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

The letters

I made my way to the Murphy's house with a few of Connor's letters to me and a few I sent to him in hand. I knew that this was the right thing to do; I thought Mrs. Murphy should know who Connor really was.

I knocked on the door like I had done yesterday and once again Mrs. Murphy was the one who answered the door.

"Hello, Evan, please come in," she greeted, smiling at me, than she noticed the letters in my hand and asked if she could see them.

As she read them one after the other and she seemed to be forming tears, which wouldn't surprise me; this was a side of Connor that only I ever saw, and for her to find out that her son was well so kind must have shocked her.

After a while I let myself out, telling her I'd bring some pictures and stuff of what Connor and I did to together while she read the letters.

 **3rd person POV**

Zoe was walking around her room trying to figure out who her brother was and trying to figure out if she should mourn him or care less. From what Evan had told them, Connor was a kind person but where was that Connor when he was home being a monster?

[ZOE, sung]

Why should I play this game of pretend?

Remembering through a secondhand sorrow?

Such a great son and wonderful boyfriend

Oh, don't the tears just pour

I could curl up and hide in my room

There in my bed, still sobbing tomorrow

I could give in to all of the gloom

But tell me, tell me what for

Why should I have a heavy heart?

Why should I start to break in pieces?

Why should I go and fall apart for you?

Why should I play the grieving girl and lie

Saying that I miss you

And that my world has gone dark without your light?

I will sing no requiem tonight.

With Larry and Cythia/ Mr. and Mrs. Murphy.

"I'm going to bed," said Larry, getting up from his place on Connor's bed.

"Come sit with me," said Cynthia, wanting her husband to be with her.

"Cynthia," said Larry in a somewhat bored tone.

"You can't stand to be in this room for five minutes?" asked Cynthia.

"I'm exhausted," defended Larry.

"You know, Larry, at some point you're going to have to start dealing—" started Cynthia before she was cut off.

"Not tonight. Please," begged Larry.

"Just read this," pleaded Cynthia, showing Larry one of Connor's letters.

"I'll keep the light on for you," stated Larry, making his way to their bedroom.

[LARRY, sung]

I gave you the world, you threw it away

Leaving these broken pieces behind you

Everything wasted, nothing to say

So I can sing no requiem

[CYNTHIA]

I hear your voice, I feel you near

Within these words, I finally find you

And now that I know that you are still here

I will sing no requiem tonight

[ZOE& LARRY]

Why should I have a heavy heart?

[ZOE]

Why should I say I'll keep you with me?

Why should I go and fall apart for you?

Why should I play the grieving girl and lie

Saying that I miss you

And that my world has gone dark without your light?

I can see your light

I will sing no requiem tonight

'Cause when the villains fall, the kingdoms never weep

No one lights a candle to remember

No, no one mourns at all

When they lay them down to sleep

So, don't tell me that I didn't have it right

Don't tell me that it wasn't black and white

After all you put me through

Don't say it wasn't true

That you were not the monster

That I knew

With Evan

[EVAN,Sung]

To me you weren't the monster that they saw

I saw a side to you none could ever seem to see

And deep down I knowsyou loved me

So I will sing no requiem

I will sing no requiem tonight.

 **Time skip**

"You shouldn't think that your brother was such a monster," said Evan, coming into Zoe's room after hearing what she was saying about Connor.

"What would you know; from what you said you never saw him high," sneered Zoe.

"Where do you think he went after he stormed out of the house?" asked Evan.

This sent a wave of shock down Zoe's back; she hadn't been expecting Evan to see the monster her brother was.

"He actually showed up on one of our dates high, and it did not end well," said Evan, surprising Zoe further.

"He was so angry that I was terrified to leave and I didn't until he stormed off," said Evan, "I didn't see or hear from him for a few days after that so I picked up what little courage I had and went to our spot in the old orchard and guess what I found?" continued Evan.

Zoe had a pretty good feeling it was her brother high again.

"I found Connor crying," Evan said, looking straight into Zoe's eyes.

"It was awkward at first because I was so scared but when he saw me, I saw Connor in a way no one else did, defenceless with no drugs to make him act tough," said Evan.

"What did you do?" asked Zoe

"We sat quietly for a while; he talked about how sorry he was and how he had been horrified with how he acted when he came down from his high," said Evan.

"Hey, Zoe, I need you to look at something," said Evan, pulling Connor's suicide note from his pocket and handing it to her.

Zoe wasn't sure she wanted to read it, but when she finally bit the bullet and did she was shocked to find her name in it.

"Hey, Evan, why is my name here?" Zoe asked, figuring he had the answer.

"He thought you were awesome you know," explained Evan.

"He thought I was awesome? My brother?" Zoe asked sceptical.

"Definitely!" said Evan, deciding to tell her everything Connor told him.

"How?" asked Zoe.

'Well..." started Evan, "He said there's nothing like your smile, sort of subtle and perfect and real. He said, you never knew how wonderful that smile could make someone feel, and he knew, whenever you get bored you scribble stars on the cuffs of your jeans. And he noticed that you still fill out the quizzes that they put in those teen magazines," said Evan, making Zoe blush with some slight embarrassment.

"But he kept it all inside his head. What he saw he left unsaid, and though he wanted to, he couldn't talk to you; he couldn't find the way, but he would always say 'If I could tell her everything I see, how she's everything to me, but we're a million worlds apart and I don't know how I would even start.'" finished Evan

"Did he say anything else?" asked Zoe, wanting to hear more about what he brother thought of her.

"A—about you?" asked Evan, caught by surprise.

"Never mind, I don't really care anyways—" said Zoe, getting up to leave.

"No, no, no—just, he said—he said so many things; I'm just trying to remember the best ones. So, um—" stuttered Evan, trying to remember more of what Connor said.

"He thought you looked pretty cool when you put indigo streaks in your hair," said Evan, thinking that was a better memory.

"He did?" asked Zoe, smiling and wishing her brother could have told her in person.

"And he wondered how you learned to dance like the rest of the world wasn't there," said Evan, "He envied you for that; you could do things he wished he could." Evan continued to shock Zoe.

"Wait, are you trying to say Connor was jealous of me?" asked Zoe.

"I'm some ways yes," said Evan, getting up from the bed and leaving the room.


	3. the Connor Project

Summary: What if Connor and Evan had been friend/boyfriend before he died, what if Evan actually tried to help Connor but only to find out he failed.

mage: if the characters seem out of character don't kill me I haven't scene the play only listened to the songs and some animated so don't kill me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Dear Evan Hansen if I did Connor and Evan would be happy and I wouldn't tear up listening to the soundtrack.

* * *

Chapter 3

Evan POV

As I walked around the school, I began to notice people whispering; walking past two girls mumbling, I caught a glimpse of what they were talking about.

"Did you hear about the Murphy guy killing himself?" whispered one of the girls.

"Yeah, what was his name... Conrad or something?" asked the other girl.

"Who cares, he's not worth remembering," said the first girl.

As I walked past them, I began to wonder how people were already forgetting Connor. Did people just not care enough to remember someone who obviously needed help? I mean sure Connor wasn't the nicest person around but that was because he didn't want people getting close.

"No one should be forgotten," I said, my head hanging low enough for my bangs to cover my eyes. The rest of the day was a blur with nobody seeming to care if they remembered Connor or not.

As I sat in my room, I could only imagine what Connor would say. I imagined Connor sitting next to me with that dumb grin of his.

"Since when did I give a fuck if someone remembered me or not?" asked Connor, looking at me.

"Connor, that's not the point; no one deserves to be forgotten," I said, looking at him.

"Evan," began Connor as he got up from my bed.

[Connor sang]

Guys like you and me

We're just the losers

Who keep waiting to be seen, right?

I mean no one seems to care

Or stops to notice that we're there

So we get lost in the in between

But if you can somehow keep them thinking of me

And make me more than an abandoned memory

Well that means we matter too

It means someone will see that you are there

No one deserves to be forgotten

No one deserves to fade away

No one should come and go

And have no one know he was ever even here

No one deserves to disappear

To disappear

Disappear

It's true

But even if you've always been that

Barely in the background kind of guy

[Connor and Evan sang]

You still matter

[Connor sang]

And even if you're somebody who can't escape the feeling

that the world's past you by

[Evan sang]

You still matter

[Connor sang]

If you never get around to doing some remarkable thing

[Connor and Evan sang]

That doesn't mean that you're not worth remembering

[Connor sang]

Think of the people who need to know

[Evan sang ]

They need to know

[Connor sang]

So you need to show them

[Evan sang]

I need to show them

[Connor and Evan sang]

That no one deserves to be forgotten

[Evan sang]

No one deserves to be forgotten

[Evan and Connor sang]:

No one deserves to fade away, to fade away

[Evan and Evan sang]

No one should flicker out

Or have any doubt that it matters that they are here

[Evan sang]

No one deserves

[Connor sang]

No one deserves

[Evan and Connor sang]

To disappear, to disappear, disappear

[Connor sang]

When you're falling in a forest and there's nobody around

All you want is for somebody to find you

When you're falling in a forest

And when you hit the ground

All you need is for somebody to find you

I marched into the school the next day with my idea in mind and went straight to Alana and Jared who were)talking by some lockers.

"Guys, I need to show you something," I told them, pulling out the paper. "I'm calling it the Connor Project"

"The Connor Project?" (asked Jared, looking at the paper; Alana was doing the same over his shoulder.

"A group of students committed to keeping Connor's memory alive," I told them with as much strength as I could muster.

"We have to do this, not just for Connor but for everyone else," said Alana, supporting the idea 100%.

[Evan sang]

Cuz' no one deserves to be forgotten

[Evan, Alana, and Jared sang]

No one deserves to fade away.

Later we made our way to the Murphy's house to talk to them about the Connor project and what we hoped to accomplish by doing this.

"We're calling it the Connor Project," I said, watching the two read the paper, explaining it further.

"The Connor Project?" asked Cynthia, surprised.

"Imagine a massive online presence," I said.

"A massive fundraising drive," added Jared.

"And the kick off event at an all school memorial assembly," finished Alana.

"I didn't realize Connor meant this much to people," said Larry, looking surprised, not unlike his wife who had tears in her eyes.

"Oh Evan this is wonderful," exclaimed Cynthia as she stood up and hugged the boy.

[Cynthia sang]

No one deserves to be forgotten

[Evan sang]

No one deserves to fade away

[Cynthia and Alana sang]

No one deserves to disappear

[Evan and Jared sang]

No one deserves to disappear

[Evan, Alana, Jared and Cynthia sang]

No one should flicker out or have any doubt

That it matters that they are here

No one deserves to disappear

To disappear

Disappear

No one deserves to disappear

Disappear

Disappear

"Tell me more," begged Cynthia, taking a seat at the table.

"Really? Okay, um so we want to try and raise $50,000 in three weeks to reopen the abandoned apple orchard that Connor and I would go to all the time," I explained, in one big sentence wanting to spit it all out.

* * *

Mage: hey guys I'm so Happy to see people reading this story it will get more original after this chapter and the next one but I needed to get some of the more key points out of the way. Still it makes me so happy you are reading it.


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